Entry: all i want Aug 26, 2004



I am really struggling with decison of whether I should move out or not and when?  I want to move out now, but it's not legal until I'm 18.  What I think I'm going to do is wait until I turn 18 in december and MOVE OUT! My parents will have no way to stop me and I will be free from their abuse.  If they don't pay for me, then I can always get loans and scholarships, but I will not be able to continue living in this house under their veil.  they used to just be stritct, then they were overprotective, now it is just ridiculous. I have no freedom or independence and, for goodness sake, i am a Senior and deserve some more priveleges than the ones I had in middle school! i can't stand it! I WANT OUT! i know that I would be sooooo much happier if i move out and I could do so much better with everything, because right now i'm just so miserable all the time, because all I hear is how i'm such a failure and how I'm a fat, stupid, worthless piece of shit (their words, not mine).  grrr. i just don't know.  i used to say, "psh, that's not me, i'm better than that, i'm just gonna ignore them when they say that." but now, well, it's had a really big effect on me.  i'm so self conscious and i have such low self esteem, because it's all i ever hear.  i have such a hard time finding all the good things about me.  all i care about is other people and how they need to take care of themselves, forget about me, i'm just a burden.  it's pathetic, it really is, and i know it.  we fight every day and i just go to my room for the rest of the night, no dinner usually, pray for a long time, read my bible, listen to Nora Jones, do some homework, pray some more, and go to sleep.  I find myself zoning out all the time at school and not really caring about anything but my faith and friends.  i don't know what's up with me, but i don't like it.  i wish i could be stronger, but everytime i build myself up, i come home only to be knocked off my feet again.  i just want to feel better. that's all.

   1 comments

unknown person
August 28, 2004   03:10 AM PDT
 
tried to do some research here is a site i found

http://search.netscape.com/ns/boomframe.jsp?query=declaration+of+emancipation+laws+in+sc&page=1&offset=0&result_url=redir%3Fsrc%3Dwebsearch%26requestId%3Df06a0bcba9de6ded%26clickedItemRank%3D3%26userQuery%3Ddeclaration%2Bof%2Bemancipation%2Blaws%2Bin%2Bsc%26clickedItemURN%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fchhd.csun.edu%252Fshelia%252F436%252Flecture0405.html%26invocationType%3D-%26fromPage%3DNSCPResults%26amp%3BampTest%3D1&remove_url=http%3A%2F%2Fchhd.csun.edu%2Fshelia%2F436%2Flecture0405.html

so read up maybe you can get something out of this.. it was the best thing i could find

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