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I am really struggling with decison of whether I should move out or not and when? I want to move out now, but it's not legal until I'm 18. What I think I'm going to do is wait until I turn 18 in december and MOVE OUT! My parents will have no way to stop me and I will be free from their abuse. If they don't pay for me, then I can always get loans and scholarships, but I will not be able to continue living in this house under their veil. they used to just be stritct, then they were overprotective, now it is just ridiculous. I have no freedom or independence and, for goodness sake, i am a Senior and deserve some more priveleges than the ones I had in middle school! i can't stand it! I WANT OUT! i know that I would be sooooo much happier if i move out and I could do so much better with everything, because right now i'm just so miserable all the time, because all I hear is how i'm such a failure and how I'm a fat, stupid, worthless piece of shit (their words, not mine). grrr. i just don't know. i used to say, "psh, that's not me, i'm better than that, i'm just gonna ignore them when they say that." but now, well, it's had a really big effect on me. i'm so self conscious and i have such low self esteem, because it's all i ever hear. i have such a hard time finding all the good things about me. all i care about is other people and how they need to take care of themselves, forget about me, i'm just a burden. it's pathetic, it really is, and i know it. we fight every day and i just go to my room for the rest of the night, no dinner usually, pray for a long time, read my bible, listen to Nora Jones, do some homework, pray some more, and go to sleep. I find myself zoning out all the time at school and not really caring about anything but my faith and friends. i don't know what's up with me, but i don't like it. i wish i could be stronger, but everytime i build myself up, i come home only to be knocked off my feet again. i just want to feel better. that's all.
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