My dad and I are leaving for AL again tomorrow to pick up my sis and coming back Saturday, as well as my mom, so we'll finally all be back home. It was nice not having parents around 24/7 to bug and nag, but not all was good, because it just meant I got stuck with all the chores, but its fine, because I was gonna do the chores anyway, because it's what I do when i'm bored, clean. wow, that is a terrible run-on sentence.
My friend Brittany spent the night with me last night and it was awesome. We talked for hours about anything and everything. I love those times when you can just sit down with a friend or two and talk for hours about everything and be totally honest with eachother. in my opinion, those talks are what makes friendships so strong, because you learn so much about eachother and find out you have a lot more in common than you could ever have imagined. some of the revealed secrets are dissappointing and shocking, I admit, but I love just listening. If we could have those types of conversations with our parents, families all over would strengthen and numerous teens would suddenly feel close to and appreciative of their parents. However, the world is not perfect and we are embarrassed. as we strive to give the best advice to our hurting and confused peers, we usually find ourselves telling them the same thing about many situations: "just talk to them and let them know how you feel." a lot of the time it will work, but personally, in my situation, it doesn't. my parents are the type of people who despise being emotional about a subject and speaking heart-to-heart with others. several times have I tried to tell my parents how I feel and I don't whine or talk-back or argue. I just stay calm and talk. but, they always sense the touchiness of the subject and blow me off, because they just like to see the surface of the world and all it's simplicity. complications cause conflicts, and they won't stand for that. they'll stop me from talking and say that I'm a drama queen, or I don't know what I'm talking about, or it's a silly subject, or don't be ridiculous. in one partucular situation, I told them that I did not appreciate their forcing me to drop out of piano and lacrosse, because those were two things that I loved to do. psh, they said, you don't know what love is, you've never experienced it, they told me. after being rejected so many times, I've gotten to the point to where I just don't talk to them about anything except movies and school.
ah, rejection, something I've experienced numerous times. so, you know that I've never had a boyfriend and I've only been on one date, prom. well, that's because not many guys seem to be interested in me. I'm always hearing my friends talk about how they can't decide who to date, or what they should do after making out with this guy they met at a party, or what they should do with all these guys that like them and keep asking them out. in my past, I have been taken advantage of and used, then thrown to the curb. I havn't had sex or anything close to that, but when I was younger, jerks like Adam Lytton and John Stambaugh would mess around with me and grab my butt, pop my bra strap, and make nasty comments and I was so innocent and ignorant of their true intentions that I thought they liked me and that was what people were supposed to do when they liked eachother. My parents had never talked to me about stuff like that and my friends were all too busy with their own social lives that I kept it to myself and it really started to depress me, because there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't know it was wrong and I didn't know how to react either, so I just took it as it came. my friend and I were the only two girls in a class of 15 guys and they were all the same. we dealt with it for an entire year until finally school ended and we went on to high school. my friend moved and I became knowledgable of the subject, thanks to my friend, Kristine, and I stopped being so trusting of everyone around me. It's still hard for me to trust people, unless they're really good friends of mine, but I guess that's sort of a good thing. so, I learned my lesson and I'm proud of who I am now. I'll be a senior this year and I've never had a relationship with a guy that went further than just being friends. Megan tells me I'm wrong, but I can't help thinking that guys don't like me because I'm not pretty and I'm not skinny and I'm not a concert-attending partier. I'm always in my school books and everynow and again I'lll meet a guy that I like, but only to find out that he doesn't feel the same. I don't like to strut around in a swim suit or wear short shorts, because I'm very self-concious and I do not appreicate making a spectacle of myself. However, I'm a touchy-feely sort of person and I like to cuddle and, well, let's just say I LOVE the dancing in the movie Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. When I get married I'm definately not going to be completely conservative with my husband, but rather, I'm going to act sexy and be sexy for him, because that is the only type of relationship that you can be as sexy as you want and have sex as much as you want because that is why God created the whole thing, pleasure for you and your spouse only. I bet you never would have expected me to say or think such a thing, but, believe me, there's a whole other side of me that no one has ever seen except on the dance floor. ooh yeah
